Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
