If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
