So drunk its hurt
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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