Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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