Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize