He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
