Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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