I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
