Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize