That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
