she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
