I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
