normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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