I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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