I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize