Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
