drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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