i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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