yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
