so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
