airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
