Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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