i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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