i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
