Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize