I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
