yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
