dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Randomize
