I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
