I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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