I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
