I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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