Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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