i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
