How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
my being single is dangerous.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
