i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
