Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
