i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize