I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
