You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize