I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
