one two three fourrrrnication!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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