Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize