remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize