I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
