I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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