Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
