there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
