walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize