He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
