the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
