No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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