Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
