I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize