Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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