if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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