So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
