Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
