My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
