Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
