she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize