She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
