Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My dick has a subreddit
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
