I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My cat gives me a boner
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize