areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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