I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
