Need sex. Gaining weight.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
