Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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