wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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