I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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