Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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