can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm like, not good at living.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
