before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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