dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
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